“Dear, the one reading this,
the one that’ll always put herself first beyond everyone else,
how are you?
I’m pretty sure you are fine. Keeping that chin up while the world keeps on turning you down. Re-polish that mascara over and over again even though you know your tears will wash ‘em up again.
You are fine. And beautiful. You always are.
I’ve known you for too long that I can’t even remember the first time we really met. You might remember me as that hot-headed and abusive person at some early points in your life but there’s a chance you may also remember me as someone who passed all the bad things in teenage life and keeps on moving confidently together with you at the same time. Or another guess, you may appreciate me as someone who really taught you that nothing’s gonna lasts forever. Good days, bad days, rainy days, sunny days. They’re all gone. Just like the old me, just like the old you. I’ve taught you very intense for that for about 3 years long between 2010-2013. A recent time. I hope you didn’t forget your lessons.
No, I’m sure you didn’t forget your lessons. You’re good at remembering and I remember that. Especially when it comes to special days and/ or occasions.
Let me prove, starts with today. It’s 19th of July. One of your teen crush’s birthday, right? It was 2008, the year you first met him. Sixteenth of April. Since that day, you were like crazy about him no one can even compares to his charisma and intelligence, at least in your mind. But years passed (4 full years, to be specific), and you’re finally letting go of him and accepts that he’s better off with someone else, and you’d be better with someone from your real life, not that televised kind of life.
Another example, I remember last year when you were self-celebrating the day you met someone, and for being his secret admirer for more than 7 years. SEVEN-fckng-YEARS. How come you can’t forget someone that perhaps doesn’t know or even care that you’re exist in other place rather than his Facebook friend list? It’s been 8 years now, it’s as long as your bestfriendship with Egin, (who refers him as ‘that perfect guy‘ everytime you mentioned his name) and I do believe that the feelings are still there, right in the deepest trench of your heart.
Yeah, sometimes your remembering ability were too superb, I don’t even want you to have those anymore.
But besides of that memories that remain in your head and chest, I’d have to say that you have changed, a lot. And in positive ways. Congratulations.
You have overcame some big obstacles, turning yesterday-you into today-you. Rode that roller-coaster of live several times. Went to public with your own style and not being embarrassed with that. Walking out of your comfort zone only to make your way back and not giving any fuck on whatever words people might say. Left this guy only to leave the other guy and to meet another. Fall in and out of love for too many times. Eating pizza and expensive dishes for some time but ate nothing but leftovers in the other days. And the good news about that is you’re still alive, and all those problems (as Kelly Clarkson may sang) only makes you stronger.
You are one strong girl back then. Tomorrow, you’re gonna be one strong woman.
I am proud of this today-you I met just hours before I started to write this letter. I saw you as someone who can finally appreciate herself, her own value, her own time, who knows how to say no, when to say yes, why saying sorry, for whom you may say thanks, and what (and who) to please. Your only lack is the still financial dependent. Other than that, you are the person I always thought you might became growing up. Only, I hope you kept one tip in life I taught you since the very beginning of your life time: never regret anything. Everything’s happen for a reason and His way is always a much more better way than ours. Stay believing in that and you’ll forever be as fine as today I can guarantee.
For that romance advice you asked me yesterday night, well, it’s the same as any other aspects. People might call you a heartbreaker but they doesn’t even know how hard it is for you every single time knowing that you’re about to break someone’s heart. Let them be, for they don’t understand how it feels to be loved very deep by someone else but at the same time knowing that you’re not as good as they thought (and you want them to meet someone else more suitable for them). People also may see you as not-a-good-girl just because you can’t stay in one relationship for more than a-year-and-a-half but you’re still longing that one teenage crush you had for more than 8 years. Let them sees you that way, for they never met this perfect guy whose name was written in the back of your brain (and all over your heart). People think that you are so flirtatious (or even coquettish)? Well, who cares? You are confident, good-looking, brave, smart, and sociable. You have all the excuses to be flirty and witty. It’s not showing off when you can back it up, Ziggler says. So, let them think that way for they are not as smart as you are.
That. Keep that all in mind. Promise me that you will.
I am about to leave now. Make sure your address’ still this one or I might ended up sending letters to someone else I don’t know. Be grateful that you have had me in your life. Stay out of trouble, stay in touch.
Planet Earth, July 2014
The one who loves you so much you can’t even compare to anyone else in the world
(but your parents and your brother because obviously they knew you better than me),
The love of your life.“