“Everytime we’re apart I miss him, for sure. But I don’t always have the idea what to tell him other than that. I can’t say ‘I miss you’ about 27 times repetitively and have nothing else to say, right? So it always seems like I am not even though I really am. I choose not to bother his works even though I know he won’t even hesitate if I do that because every girls’ magazines told me so and the fact that I’m rarely doing it, he might caught them as sweet. But I’m lack of words to say when it comes to start a text conversation. I want it to be as easy as cuddling up in the blanket. You know, when you need no words to say, yet you’re comfortable with it.”
“We tend to under-appreciate things because we never thought that they’ll gone someday. Stuffs, happiness, health, people, memories, senses, abilities, feelings.. People who knows how many time left for them to be alive will make the most of it. They won’t want to regret it in the afterlife.
That’s why I asked you if you had someone somewhere that you’re waiting for.
Because if yes (and works the same for ‘no’ answer), even though I already knew that our time is limited, turns out it’s shorter than I expected. So I need to keep on my pace, increasing my speed, to make the most of it, to make myself not regretting things I done wrong or I didn’t do the time I am still with you right now.
But you too, already knew, we can never be ready of separation.
However good our preparation is.”
Iya sih, kalau ngga ngomong, emang yang ngerti ya cuma diri sendiri. Mungkin juga dari faktor fisik yang lagi dibikin capek sama serangan deadline dari sana-sini. Mau bilang ke orang lain supaya ngga nambah capek hati juga bahkan terlalu capek. Dan emang ngga punya waktu juga.
Ngga butuh pulang sebenernya. Cuma butuh semua deadline-nya beres tanpa ganjalan perasaan yang ngga penting yang bikin ngeblog ngga jelas gini jadi ada di prioritas tertinggi selain makalah kimdas, kalkir osfis, presentasi statistika, dan paper ekologi laut.
Marah diam-diam tapi yang bikin marah itu tau dia yang bikin marah, gapapa. Yang malesin emang marah diam-diam tapi yang bikin marah gatau, karena emang ngga punya waktu juga buat ngasih tau. Dan udah ngga mau ngeluangin waktu juga. Keburu males, keburu capek.